Pleasing Behaviour
People pleasing describes a person who consistently strives to please others, often sacrificing their own wants, needs and boundaries in the process. This comes from an innate need
to feel loved and valued, especially in close relationships.
This is a typical behaviour in humans due to the social nature of our species and the need to belong. However those people with eroded or non existent boundaries will adapt their behaviours to the perceived needs of those they are reflecting people pleasing behaviour too.
A person with a strong urge to please may feel they need to be whatever others want them to be. They may cover up how they really feel or agree to too many favours.
A person may feel temporarily good after they please someone, but this feeling does not last. They may need to continue doing things for others to feel useful or loved. Ultimately, this harms them, as they have fewer resources to take care of themselves.
How does Strategic Hypnotherapy work with People Pleasing behaviour?
During the deep relaxation of the hypnotic trance, the subconscious is more receptive to updating your views of yourself using words, images and emotions, for the most powerful transformation that allows you to correct past distortions and negative input. Your inner voice is your biggest critic, and it is what makes you view yourself negatively and results in seeking acknowledgement and validation from others to improve your with self worth. Through hypnosis, your hypnotherapist re-teaches your subconscious and teaches it to be more positive.
Hypnosis works in different ways to help boost your self-confidence and increase your self-esteem.
Firstly, it enables you to let go of the things that no longer serve you. It also supports you to build a new and positive thinking process, whilst at the same time letting go of the old dysfunctional processes. For a lot of people it is one of the most challenging things to do
For you to get maximum benefits from your People Pleasing Clinical Hypnotherapy sessions, typically allow for between 4 - 6 Sessions depending on the levels of these and any underlying comorbid mental health concerns
Typical Pleasing behaviours
you find it hard to say no to requests
you regularly take on extra work, even if you do not have the time
you often overcommit to plans, responsibilities, or projects
you avoid advocating for your own needs, such as by saying you are fine when you are not
you avoid disagreeing with people or voicing your honest opinion
you go along with things you are not happy about to avoid creating friction
Pleasing behaviour feels like:
pressure to be friendly, nice, or cheerful at all times
anxious about creating unease or standing up for yourselves
stressed due to the commitments you have taken on
frustrated that you never seem to have time for yourselves
that your own wants or needs do not matter in comparison to others
that people take advantage of you.
you are a giver - not a taker
Causes of people-pleasing
People-pleasing is a label rather than a diagnosis. As such, people define it in different ways. Some of the factors that might lead to this group of behaviors include:
Low self-esteem: People who feel they are worth less than others may feel their needs are unimportant. They may advocate for themselves less or have less awareness of what they want. They may also feel that they have no purpose if they cannot help others.
Anxiety: Some people may attempt to please others because they feel anxious about fitting in, rejection, or causing offense. For example, a person with social anxiety may feel they must do whatever their friends want in order for people to like them. It can be a subtle attempt to control others’ perceptions.
Conflict avoidance: People who are afraid of conflict, or feel they must avoid it, may use people-pleasing as a way to prevent disagreements.
Culture and socialization: The culture of a person’s family, community, or country may influence how they view their duty toward others and themselves. Some may learn that total selflessness is a virtue or that the needs of the collective matter more than the individual, for example.
Inequity: Some forms of inequity can reinforce the idea that some people are meant to look after others. For example, benevolent sexism promotes the idea that women are naturally more maternal and caring than men. Internalizing these ideas may influence women in heterosexual relationships to feel that they should put their partner first.
Personality disorders: Personality disorders are long-term mental health conditions, some of which may lead to people-pleasing. For example, dependent personality disorder (DPD) causes a person to feel very dependent on others for help and approval in many facets of life. For example, they may need other peoples’ opinions to make simple decisions, such as choosing what to wear.
Trauma: Emerging research suggests that fighting, fleeing, or freezing are not the only responses to traumatic events, such as abuse. Some people may also “fawn,” which is an extreme form of people-pleasing. It involves trying to gain the affection and admiration of those they fear as a means of survival.
Contact Us
I will work with you and assist you to understand how people pleasing behaviour impacts on your life. Together, we will identify steps you can take to reduce this behaviour and gain back control of your life.
To make the necessary changes in your life to remove your people pleasing behaviour, click the link below to make a booking with me..